I wan to start by saying that I don’t hate my dad. Hate is a strong word and a bit to strong. I appreciate that I have him, but not more.
I haven’t lived with my dad my whole life. My parents split up when I was not even 1 and I’ve never lived with my dad for more then two week per months, witch didn’t happen until I was 14. The dad I grew up with (and also call dad) is my step dad. This is not about him.
My dad has this way of not being able to connect with me. I’m currently living at his house for a month while I work. It’s easier since the bus to work is right outside and there aren’t non from my mum’s that early in the morning. My dad and I have our “hello’s” in the morning and short talks about work when we get home, but not much more. On those rear occasions where he drives me to work he tries to talk about something, but fails from to much noise from the brooken car and lack of same interests. Sure we have a few things we both like. Video games, some movies and one or two tv series, but he does not like them enough to have a interesting and worthy conversation.
He don’t understand me in away that a parent should, and yes a lot of parents don’t. But he kind of forces me to do things I don’t want to do. The job I got for one and the stupid fucking bad school I went too (let’s leave that for another post). I’ve learnt from experience to not really listen to him. I know he only wants my best, but I we don’t want the same thing. He wants me to get a job, make money, move out and live my life. I want the same but not the same. He wants me to get a job that will make me a lot of money at the start. A boring 9-5 job. I want a job that I’m happy with that I know that I deceived too get and since I want to working with acting it’s the ideal for him. For him acting is not a business to get in too. “It’s too tuff of a business. The chances of you making any money is zero to a million.” He didn’t really say that, but it is what we means. And I know all of that. But I won’t give up my dream just because it’s hard. It’s a dream it’s not suppose to be easy.
For once I’m doing what I want to do (Well, after I’m done with this job I got, I do need the money) and even if he doesn’t I’ll still do it. And I will stop listen to his crap talk. Even just a small thing like “not buying the bus/train card” (because it’s a useless way of spending money according too him) and try to hitch a ride to work with people you don’t know or want to talk with. Of course I’ll by the bus/train card. I could go on forever about things that my dad has done to make me not like him so much. I’ll write more posts about it in the future. Now I have to run to a bus. Going to see ‘The Hobbit:Desolation of Smaug’
society has literally conditioned us to hold our grades as a higher priority than our mental and physical wellbeing and if you dont think thats fucked up i dont know what is
I’m done with candy.
I’ve been working at this warehouse for a week now. Doing the same crap everyday, getting a book from A to B. I’m suppose to work here for a little
More then a month and according to my dad it’s possible I can get an extension on a few months. Sure the money is good, but do I want that? No. I wanted to quit after the first day. I hate this job so much. Still I say yes to working overtime and weekends. Why? I “need” the money. Money.
I would consider myself an artistic person. I do some acting and some writes and that’s what I want to do as job. Working in a ware house is not artistic and that might be why I can’t be here for more then a day and not hate it. But also not. If anyone actually enough there job there I will surprised.
Feel like shit today.